Storm Clouds
by Totemdancer
Summary: A man as intense as Horatio; has to crack sometime!


**Storm Clouds** by Karen  
  
I don't own the characters in any way shape or form!

Horatio was not unduly harmed during the writing of this fic, though is psyche is still debatable!  
  
**Rating R  
**  
Chapter One  
  
Horatio Caine stood looking out over the sea, deep in thought, the case was puzzling, not only in its little twists and turns, that had thrown the team off the scent. More in the way that the evidence seemed to have been left specifically, for them to find. Evidence that, was continually leading them up the wrong path. Leaning on the rail, he felt 10 years older as he squinted through his MinimalX shades, the sun starting to set low on the horizon. As it slowly sank below the edge of the world the case slid from his mind replaced with thoughts he did not want to face. Another sunset another day ended, another day wasted. Wondering where his life was going, he could see no further than the sea lapping on the shore. He used to be able to see further but these days, he took a day at a time. There was no need to look into the future, no reason to believe that his life would be any different. He got up, went to work then went home and often sat staring at the TV but never "Watching" it, till way past midnight before dragging himself to bed. What else was there for him to do?  
  
He thought about it, sometimes he walked that was good. Ha Yeah right how's that make it any different your kidding yourself Caine. You lead a boring repetitive lonely life and something got to change before your too damn old to do anything about it. He turned and walked off the balcony back into the hotel room. The evidence all around the room drew his attention back to work and away from the mind numbing loneliness that he felt. But it did not last long. Another life brought abruptly to an end in a beachside hotel, no next of kin; no family no friends. He felt sick to his stomach as he walked across the room and out the door without a backwards glance leaving his team to process the room, he needed to get away just get the hell out of there and sort himself out. Everyone felt, the brooding presence stalk from the room without having to look up. The darkness that had descended around their leader was felt by all, and raised eye browed quizzical looks passed between the remaining members of the team.  
  
Calleigh Duquesne watched from under her thick blonde hair as he walked past her, she noted how his shoulders slumped, in his jacket how it hung off him rather than sat proud as it normally would. She worried the case was getting to him or was it something worse? She'd never seen him look so down. Never felt so much despair emanating from him. The cloud that hung around his shoulders was threatening to hang over the whole team and she had no idea what had happened to bring it about. Yes the case was going nowhere just leading from one body to another and Horatio's despondency wasn't getting them any closer to catching the killer. She so desperately wanted to go after him and try to help him deal with whatever it was he was going through, but her instincts said leave well alone. Horatio Caine's moods were legendary within the department and not many men were brave enough to cross swords with him when he looked this bleak. But she wasn't a man and she carefully pulled off her gloves and replaced them in her kit before she got up and followed his path out of the room. Turning into the dimly lit corridor she double paced to catch up with Horatio, he was no where to be seen so she headed down to the reception area. Catching a glimpse of him climbing into the hummer through the plate glass floor to ceiling windows she upped her pace. Stepping out into the brightly illuminated car park she squinted against the lights at the back of the disappearing hummer as Horatio sped out of the car park. Go after him, the voice in her head screamed at her, she so wanted to help him but she had no idea if he wanted her help. Maybe he just needed to be alone? Maybe she would make things worse. She had no idea what was wrong, and could fathom why he hadn't spoken to anyone as he left. Horatio always told someone where he was going. That was it decision made Horatio always told someone where he could be reached she had to go after him, this was not right something was very wrong. Running back upstairs she flew into the crime scene like a woman possessed, grabbing her kit she proffered an excuse to anyone who was listening. Everyone was, Calleigh didn't get flustered and Calleigh was never this un- composed.  
"Gotta run I'll meet you back at the lab later sorry" she waved as she ran back out the door. Taking the stairs two at a time she made it downstairs and back outside to her car in record time. Horatio had looked like he was heading back to the lab; she'd try there first.  
  
Horatio Caine pulled the hummer into its slot outside the crime lab and slowly climbed out. He'd seen Calleigh standing in the car park watching him drive off in his rear view mirror and wondered if she'd needed him. He thought about calling her and then thought better of it if she wanted him she'd call him. The words need and want sent a shiver down his spine and he stopped himself the handle of the door gripped firmly too firmly in his hand till his knuckles showed white. Closing his eyes tightly he tried to drive the images his sentence had conjured in his head away. Closing the door he leaned against it his forehead resting on the window frame his grip still tight around the handle. Pulling back he opened his eyes and wearily decided what to do next. What could he do next? What was there to do? He felt like his reality was slowly slipping away from him, the thunderclouds formed in his eyes as the storm brewed in his soul.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Horatio Caine was heading for meltdown; he could feel his life spiraling rapidly out of his control. He couldn't concentrate on anything but how lonely he felt. Every time he tried to concentrate on work, he felt himself dragged back into the deeper recesses of his mind, to the dark parts that refused to go away. To the horrors he'd witnessed, to the death. He'd seen enough death to last him a thousand lifetimes. In a way he felt dead himself no one to share his worries, his concerns, his life and it was driving him crazy. Staring at his desk he abruptly swept all the case files to the floor and slammed his fist down hard on the wood surface. Without warning he made a decision enough was enough he had to get away. Grabbing a box he swept the rest of the bits and pieces into it and walked stealth fully out of the office. Closing the door behind him he didn't look back no point in that, time to move on. Time to do something to put an end his own suffering and misery. Not wanting to bump into anyone he headed down the back stairs and out into the car park. Throwing the box onto the back seat he noticed Calleigh's car on the car park and paused. In two minds whether to go and see her he decided it maybe best if he left things unsaid. Wearily he climbed into the car and starting the ignition he drove away.  
  
Calleigh started to get impatient as the lift slowly stopped at the second floor, The doors took an age to open and she resisted the urge to force them open faster, Something told her she had to find Horatio NOW. Her instincts had kicked in as she'd pulled into the car park and seen no lights on in his office, she had tried to ring him 3 times on the way over but all she'd gotten was his voicemail. Finally the doors opened and she ran towards the darkened office. Without knocking she opened the door and flicked on the light. The office was empty except for the pile of scattered reports on the floor. Walking over to the desk she bent down and picked them up, sorting them swiftly back into some resemblance of order she noticed that things were missing from his desk, the photo of Ray Jnr, the penholder. He'd taken all his personal items why? What had happened? Her mind went into a holding pattern as she tried not to panic. Thinking back she tried to pinpoint where in the day Horatio had fallen into his black mood. He was fine she thought when he went out onto the balcony but when he came back into the room he'd changed, she had felt the gloom that had swept over him. Reaching for her belt she unclipped her phone, hitting the speed dial she tapped her fingers on the desk whilst the phone tried to connect.  
"The number you have dialed is not available"  
"Shit, Shit, Shit" She slammed her phone shut and turned and headed to the door. Breaking into a run she headed down the same stairs that only minutes before Horatio had used to exit the building. Reaching the car park she noted the Hummer parked neatly in it's slot but Horatio's car that was normally parked along side was gone.  
  
Flipping open her phone she hit 3 and waited for Tim to answer,  
"Hey Calleigh what's up?" As she tried to stop her heart pounding in her chest, and she felt the panic creeping into her voice  
"Horatio's gone" She had to stop herself from screaming it down the phone, the quaver in her voice was plainly audible  
"What do you mean H has gone, where?" replied Tim trying to force the bad feeling her words had brought back down his throat.  
"Tim I have a really bad feeling something's not right, I'm at the lab please get over here now!" Her voice raised to almost a shrill squeak as she fought to keep control. Tim's reply of  
"On the way" was lost to her as she slowly pulled the phone away from her ear and hung up the call. With her eyes scanning the road outside the lab, her brain raced at hundred miles an hour where would he go? Thinking, racking her brain for places she could think that he'd go, she knew him well enough or so she thought to second-guess him. She had thought of maybe a dozen places before Tim arrived with the cavalry. Eric and Alex climbed out of their respective vehicles and joined her. Alex reached Calleigh first and gently grasped her arm  
"Tell me what's wrong honey" Calleigh swept her hair out of her face and tried to fight back the tears,  
"I have a very bad feeling Horatio is going to..." No matter how hard she tried she couldn't finish the sentence and the tears slowly slid from her eyes. Alex smiled gently at her and knowing that no words could comfort Calleigh she wrapped her arm round her shoulder and hugged her. "We'll find him" She whispered under her breath "We'll find him" Alex had known Horatio longer than any of them and she knew how deep he could withdraw into himself, she'd seen it before and seeing Calleigh so distraught she started to worry herself.  
  
His mind was blacker than the inky night that surrounded him; the darkness enshrouded him guiding him onwards. His eyes stayed fixed to the road ahead of him, it was all he could manage to do to stay focused. All he could think was get away, get away from the city. Just keep driving keep going, further and further away. Away from the stench of death that assailed his nostrils, away from the soul-destroying emptiness he felt. He had never felt so miserable in his life. He was heading south down Route1 towards the Keys but he never thought about it he just drove. He didn't even care that at some point he was going to run out of road. He focused on the road because at least that was easier, it was easier to drive and block everything out concentrating on the tarmac and the taillights, in the distance ahead. He felt like the darkness was drawing him in, taking over his being, sliding further into it's grasp. Into it's solitude, into its peace.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Calleigh jumped into the Hummer, she'd given everyone various places to check out but she was running on instinct. Where would he go if he wanted to be alone? Where could he escape? Where could he... Oh god, don't think that. He wouldn't not that...no. Her mind raced and she fought hard to concentrate to try to mentally think what he was going through, to think where he would go and she started the car and headed out of the lot. Trusting her feelings she pointed the heavy mechanical beasts nose south and set off. It would be light in a few hours and he'd been gone for almost an hour she guessed, as she set off. Driving with her phone in her lap desperately willing it to ring, with the familiar melody that would tell her without looking that it was Horatio. Desperately trying to seek him out to try to find some essence of him in her spirit. She cried out to him with her mind with every ounce of love she could muster from her heart. Channeling every instinct in her body she drove in the direction she firmly believed he'd taken. Glad suddenly, she'd taken the Hummer she floored it. No over zealous bike cop would pull her over whilst she was driving it. Flying down the freeway as the night crept onwards she tried to focus her mind tried to reach Horatio with her thoughts. Anything, Nothing she was being stupid, he couldn't hear her, and she couldn't reach him. What if she couldn't reach him, when she found him, what if she was too late? It didn't bare thinking about, but she couldn't shrug off the feeling of dread that was churning her stomach into knots. Her throat was dry as she ploughed ahead putting as much distance as she could between herself and the lights of the city, glimmering behind her. She drove with purpose. Glancing constantly at laybys and gas stations for a glimpse of his car.  
  
The car thundered to a halt at the side of the road just outside Key Largo. His hands still gripped the wheel in a death grip as he leaned forward and rested his head on his hands. The shiver had run all the way down his spine, as though someone had just walked over his grave. The sheer strength of the feeling had made him hit the brakes. He fought through the bleakness in his mind to try to understand what had happened. He couldn't he couldn't fight the feelings that had overwhelmed him not 2 hours before, raising his head he checked his watch, he'd been driving for almost an hour. Letting go of the wheel he rubbed his tired eyes and tried to reassemble the scrambled thoughts in his head. Reaching into his jacket pocket and felt his phone and pulled it out, looking at it he realised the battery was dead. Throwing it onto the dash he eased the car back onto the road and headed back into the night. Driving through Key Largo he stopped for gas, he would need it if he was going to make Key West by daylight. He was working on autopilot as he filled the car and headed to the kiosk to pay. The gas attendant looked at the sharply dressed, red haired man, as he pulled up on the forecourt and wondered whether he was a cop, he looked like a cop, he had that aura of black clouds hung over his head. They always did, he thought to himself and you never saw them go back. He sighed to himself as he wondered what, had got to this one, what had pushed him over the edge? Horatio walked up to the kiosk and without speaking threw the money down on the counter, his eyes met the attendants for a brief moment and he saw the young man flinch as though something he saw lurking there had scared him. Turning quickly back to the car he got in and started to drive again still heading south still heading towards what? What would he do when the road did finally run out, and he had no where else to go?  
  
Calleigh looked through the steering wheel at the fuel gauge the needle was hanging off the red and she realised she was running on fumes and started to regret taking the gas guzzling Hummer. She'd been pushing it hard and had made Key Largo in record time but was now desperately searching for somewhere to stop and fill it up. Seeing the lights of a gas station ahead she pulled in. Climbing down from the seat she saw the attendant watching her. She suddenly became conscious of the cool night air and the fact she was only wearing a thin sleeveless top. She hadn't picked up her jacket in her rush to find Horatio. As she filled up at the pump, the attendant came over.  
"Lady you a cop?" he asked Calleigh had no time for small talk and despite her size could be a formidable opponent when pushed.  
"What do you think?" she gestured at the writing on the door and then back to the gun and badge on her belt.  
"Sorry I just thought I'd ask, you're the second cop we've had through here tonight"  
"What? When? How long ago?" Calleigh grabbed the young man by the shirtfront,  
"What did he look like?" Realising what she was doing she let go.  
"I'm sorry...Please tell me?" The panic rising in her voice. The young mans eyes softened as he saw the heartache in her face.  
"Red hair bout 6'..."  
"Oh my god Thank you how long ago? Please I have to find him" Calleigh cut him off she almost grabbed him and kissed him.  
"He filled it up and headed..." He pointed down the road,  
"About 40...45 minutes ago" he almost said something else but thought better of it. Calleigh reached into the Hummer for her purse and handed the attendant a wad of notes. She was driving off the gas station forecourt before the young man could stop her, he looked at the wad of notes in his hand there was over a hundred dollars.  
"Good Luck" he waved after her.  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Horatio sat on the hood of his car staring out to sea. The cove that he'd found was away from the roads away from anywhere. There were no tourists at this time in the morning but he wanted to make sure he was alone, wanted to make sure he wasn't disturbed. The sun was starting to peep over the horizon daring to rise against the storm already looming. As he leaned back against the windscreen, his jacket pulled close around him he shivered in the cold wind that blew in off the sea. The same sea, that was fast turning from a placid blue to a tempestuous black. Far on the horizon the clouds started to form as he watched. The huge white thunderheads towering into the sky, the low-lying clouds turning greyer by the second. He felt the air pressure drop through the floor and instinctively wanted to go and get under cover but he couldn't. He watched fascinated as the sun lost it's battle and was swallowed by the clouds. The waves, that had been gently splashing the shore when he arrived, where turning foaming white and angry. A lightening bolt splintered the sky. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself, his arms crossed protectively across his chest, he could feel the reassuring presence of his gun tucked under his elbow. He'd hoped to find some sort of solace but as the thunder rumbled across the sky he felt only anguish. He tried to work out what had gone wrong? What had happened? Had he put the job before everything? Was it, all his own fault? He had always tried so damn hard to do what was right. Why had everything gone so wrong in his own life? He'd spent his whole life helping others, bringing closure to others despair and misery. He needed closure now of his own. The storm closing in on him was mirrored in his eyes, the incandescent blue replaced by a darker cast. The thunder grew louder as it rolled towards the land, the lightening ripping through the sky leaving the air alive with electricity. As the first splashes of raindrops hit his face he reached under his jacket and wrapped his fingers around the butt of his gun. What he wanted and what he needed, two entirely different things but so inexplicably bound together. Two small words that had almost stopped him in his tracks a few hours ago. Now ran riot in his brain. What did he want? What did he need? No longer did he feel that he wanted to be needed. He needed to be Needed, not by the job, not by the next victim's family. Not by just anyone. He yearned for someone to need him just him. He needed to be loved and to feel loved; He needed to wake up in the arms of ...of whom? Calleigh, ...Yes He needed Calleigh but she didn't need him anymore he'd watched her grow in confidence over the years and now she didn't need him, she was with Hagan and he wasn't needed anymore. It felt like someone had ripped his heart out through his chest. His grip tightened on his gun, as the storm swept nearer and he closed his eyes. Waiting for it to come to him.  
  
Calleigh drove like a woman possessed her eyes frantically searching for any trace of Horatio; she could see the storm rolling in ahead of her. She recoiled in the seat slamming on the brakes as a bolt of lightening exploded across the road and collided with a tree. The crack was deafening; sparks and ripped apart shards of burnt wood flew in all directions across the Hummers path. The brakes screamed as Calleigh gritted her teeth and braced herself. In slow motion she watched the tree start to fall and felt herself getting closer and closer to it. Throwing the wheel to the side, she skidded to a halt just in time as the tree crashed down across the road. The rain had started to fall and within seconds Calleigh was soaked by the huge droplets plummeting to earth. Pulling her wet hair back off her face she struggled to climb onto the hood. Scrambling up she put the binoculars she'd grabbed from their rack to her eyes and scoured the area. Every track ever dirt road she'd checked for tyre marks, as she'd drove past, she'd seen none. He had to be in front of her he had to be somewhere not far away He couldn't go no further. She could barely see a thing the rain was getting heavier and the wind had really picked up now Palm trees swayed in the gusts. Foliage was being blown sideways offering glimpses further beyond but the lack of light was making it difficult to see much. She couldn't use the night scope the lightening would blind her, it was bad enough with just the binoculars. The panic was rising now from the pit of her stomach. She started to feel sick, scanning around her she squinted through the lens, seeking out any sign, any evidence of Horatio's car. The rain lashed the lenses, water droplets obscured more of her view and as the tears slowly started to fall she pulled the binoculars away from her eyes and despondent she sank down onto the hood. The rapidly descending storm was like an omen of doom.  
  
He could feel the rain getting heavier and the brooding presence of the clouds looming overhead, he slowly opened his eyes, the lightening was lighting up the sky ever few minutes and the thunder almost rumbled continually. The wind was getting stronger now and he ran his hand slowly through his rain-darkened hair slicking it back to his head. He pulled himself upright but he still seemed to sag in the middle his shoulders slumped forward and his head hung low. Pulling his gun from its holster he held it out in front of him and studied it. Turning it over and over in his hand he stared, his head slightly tilted as though puzzled. His eyes screwed up and the lines of his 45 years creased from their corners to his temples. Still holding the gun he pulled his hands upto his head and rested his forehead in them, as he massaged his temples with the heals of his hands. He thought about nothing in particular the pain in his heart was all he could concentrate on and the fog in his head did nothing to numb it. Suddenly he lifted his head and slid off the hood. Landing on both feet he leaned against the radiator grill both his arms hung loosely beside him. He gazed through tear stained eyes out into the squall and found the strength to step forward and walk towards the ocean.  
  
Chapter Five  
  
His suit was drenched and his trousers clung to his legs as he slowly walked towards the water. The storm was pushing huge breakers before it and the white horses played and danced in the foaming spray. The sound of them crashing onto the beach combined with the roar of thunder and the ear splitting cracks of lightening were so loud he could barely hear himself think. The sky was totally black now the rain beat down ferociously. Slowly he closed his eyes against the onslaught of the weather and drove the noise of everything but the waves hitting the shore, from his ears.  
  
Calleigh cried into her hands, huge sobs racked her body as she cried his name over and over again. Her heart was crying too and she didn't know how to stop it. Suddenly the air around her fizzled and popped with blue light and she lifted her eyes to the sky as a lightening bolt crackled directly overhead, jumping from one point in the sky to another. With eyes wide in shock she followed its progress as it danced through the heavens. The atmospheric light show over for the minute her eyes slowly descended to the beach below. She jumped up her feet sliding on the wet hood, managing to balance herself she held her hand upto her eyes protecting them from the driving rain, there was someone there someone walking towards the water not 100 yards in front of her. Leaping from the Hummer she landed awkwardly on her ankle gritting her teeth she negotiated the fallen tree and started to run, she ran through the pain. Her heart pounded in her chest as she struggled to get air into her lungs the rained lashed into her and the wind fought to drive her backwards. It had to be him, she knew it was him, she had to reach him. She was getting closer her leg muscles screeching as she pounded across the deep rain soaked sand. "Horatio" His name was snatched cruelly from her mouth and carried away on the buffeting wind. She could see him clearly with his back to her, his hands held loosely beside him his hair plastered wet against his head, his grey suit looked black it was so wet. He was holding something in his hand, she tried to focus but the uneven sand wasn't helping her. She realised it was a gun. Her breath coming in gasps, she summoned every ounce of air in her lungs and screamed his name.  
"HORATIO" she was 20 yards away from him now and the roar of the storm was incredible, he couldn't hear her. He couldn't hear her over the waves over the storm over the clouds in his mind. Nothing existed anymore, nothing. Just a numbness that he felt spread through him, a numbness that he gave into. The pain had slowly ebbed away and the emptiness that remained, he couldn't carry. He glanced down at his hand, slightly tipping the gun to look at it one last time. His gaze slipped down to the sand at his feet the waves getting closer and closer with every breaker that swept up the beach.  
  
Her ankle was giving out every step was agony, tears blinded her as she desperately dug deep to make the last few strides to him. She could almost reach out and touch him she saw in horror, him lift his arm and bring the gun slowly but purposefully to his head.  
"NOOOOOOO"  
The sound cut through the dark clouds that had blanked out his reasoning his hand wavered as he brought the muzzle into contact with his temple.  
"Horatio" The voice was quieter now; he heard it clearly softly spoken into his ear as he felt a soft touch on his arm. Then he felt a hand gently gripping his and felt the soft touch gently, tentatively prise the gun from his grasp. He didn't fight; he just surrendered to the arms that now held her firmly and safely. Calleigh was crying with relief as she buried her head into his back, holding him tight she talked to him, not caring what she said the words didn't matter she just spoke so he could hear her, so he could hear she cared. She felt him collapse back against her ankle gave under the extra weight and she moaned in agony. She never bent she held firm and slowly she lowered them both to the sand. Sitting behind him she cradled him in her arms, stroking his hair she whispered his name in his ear and his eyes finally fluttered open.

"Calleigh?" it was a barely audible whisper but it sent an electrifying current through her body. "Sssh I'm here... Your safe, I'm here" she reassured him He turned slightly towards her his head hung low his eyes stayed focused on the waves almost hitting his feet as he sat in the sand, held firm in the arms of the woman he needed more than life itself.  
"Why did you come after me?" he asked solemnly, his eyes still dark as the sky above. Calleigh looked up as the rain started to ease off raising her head she ran her hand through his hair and tenderly cupped his chin in her hand. Turning his face towards her she sought his eyes; the dark circles of fatigue did little to cover the red raw eyelids and the tears that mingled with the last dying raindrops. The storm was receding now as fast as it had arrived the wind died and the rain ceased; the clouds started to lose their grip on the sun.  
"I came after you..." she paused and looked deep into his eyes,  
"Because I love you, because I need you, because I can't live without you". She leaned forward and gently kissed him. She saw his eyes fly wide as he pulled back.  
"But..." She cut him off as the suns rays, split through the clouds. Reaching her arms up around his neck she pulled him too her and this time as her lips met his the electricity in the air was purely man made.


End file.
